Why cant I be loved? Why cant they love me?
by niccoyne12
Summary: Basically this is the feelings and thoughts of various lovers. Mainly Harry or Draco WARNING: HBP spoilers and slash! mainly HPDM but others will feature. Suicide, Rape, and sexual content frequent.
1. Burning from Within

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Harry Potter, if I did Harry, Draco and Hermione would be having a three-some in a closet. I merely play with the characters in the world JK Rowling created. And I do love to play!

**AUTHORS NOTE:** This is from Harrys POV. It is post HBP.

Why do I love him? What has he done to deserve my affection? Why doesn't he love me back? Everything he does is so gentle and loving. A hand-shake from him has my blood running hot. Not that I get many handshakes, but ever since he came back we have been getting along more. I don't think he realises the torture he puts me through. I just wish he knew how I feel. I wish I knew how he feels. I guess I already know how he feels really, he hates me! Well he might not hate me, but he has a deep disliking of me! I just wish I didn't have to fake hatred every time I see him, but Dumbledore would never forgive me if he knew that I was in love with the very boy who caused his demise, or would he? In fourth year, he did say, if I remember correctly;

"Dark and difficult times lie ahead" Merlin knows that's true,

"Soon we must all make the choice between what is right and what is easy". Well this choice to love him is right for me, and I know it will never be easy. But I have to do what is necessary. I have to let him know. But if I do, he will hate me even more. Why does love cause so much pain?

"To have been loved so deeply, even though the one who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever"

**Whether you liked it or not, please R and R. It would mean alot! Please? Just click the little purple button!**


	2. Why, why, why?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any of the related Characters, Plots, settings, or locations. The entire above are copyrighted JK Rowling. If they were mine, Harry Draco and Hermione would be shagging in a closet!

**DRACO PoV**

All I want is for him to love me. All I want is to lie beside him and look at the stars. I want him to love me, but he won't. He refuses to even look me in the eye properly. Although on the rare occasions he has, I have seen an emotion stirring behind those vivid green eyes. But what is it? It could be hate; it could be loathing, it could be worse, the depths of despair. But it could also be (dare I say it?) love? But how do I know? How do I express my true feelings to the one man who can destroy the largest source of evil ever known? What would everyone say if they knew that the Slytherin Prince was in love with a Gryffindor? Never mind a Gryffindor actually, with the-boy-who-lived. I'll be a laughing stock! I need a second opinion, from a friend of his. But who? Neither Granger nor Weasel will look at me, never mind talk to me. I guess Im on my own, why is everything so difficult? Why can't a person express their love without being ridiculed? Why can't I openly show my affection for him? Why is life so bloody difficult? Why can I only be with him in my dreams?

"_Im our dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own. Where we can swim in the deepest ocean, and glide over the highest cloud."_

**Authors note: **This is a short enough piece, but it does have quite a lot of feeling in it. It is from my own experience and was difficult enough to write. So please, please review and let me know what you think. It would mean a lot to me! Thanks for reading,

Yours in Fiction,

Nicole


	3. Concience Wrestling, in a lovers arms

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. I merely play with the world and characters that J.K Rowling created.

**This Chapter is from Harry's PoV. He is in Malfoy manor, after spending the night with Draco. He is lying beside Draco in Draco's bed.**

Why does he love me? It doesn't make sense. I have been through Hell and Back because of him. He tried to hand me over to Voldemort for Fuck sakes! But all this time, he loved me? How does that make sense. Never mind that, how does me, lying in his arms now, warm, comfortable and completely happy make sense? How can I love him?

_Because you admire him, and you know he never really meant to hurt you._

He tried to hand me over to Voldemort!

_Only because his family would be killed if he didn't. You saw his face when Snape left you at Voldemorts disposal. He was distraught. He wanted to save you._

But he didn't!

_He did! He was the only one who at least tried to make sure you had food. That you were moderately comfortable. That you had some company._

He only talked to me because we were both in the same small cell for nearly six weeks!

_Maybe, but he was the one who helped you, and allowed you to talk to him, when Voldemort used Occulmency against you. He was the one you spilled you heart out to! He was the one you helped in return, by allowing him to tell you the full story. Which I might add was killing him, and you know it!_

Why is it so complicated though? Why do I have to love him? Everyone was right. I should have gotten with Hermione while I had the chance. But she loved Ron; I could never take his place. He loved her until the end. He died trying to save her.

_And Draco nearly died, trying to save you! But even though you had the chance to let him die, the boy, correction, the man, who made your life miserable, you chose to save him._

Only because I couldn't let him die! I couldn't have his death on my conscience as well as Ron's.

_But what about all the Death Eaters and Voldemort. You helped kill them too._

But I didn't love them!

_I rest my case!_

So what do I do now?

_You love Draco, and will always do so. Start form there and everything else will work out!_

Guess my life, really starts from today then.

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**_"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"_**

****

**Authors Note: **Hmm, I don't know about this bit. Let me know if you think it could be better. R&R Please! Just click the little purple button!


	4. Only one Person

**Disclaimer: **Once again I do not own Harry Potter .:checks:. nope JKR hasnt put the rights up on e-bay yet...damn...

**A/N:** I know I keep saying I will update but I never get the chance. Im always on but I broke my arm and couldnt get on the computer, then I got a really bad flu and was in bed for weeks. Im sooooo sorry! I will try my very hardest to update more often. I promise. I will be updating VS&TL soon I promise! Gosh that alot of promising, anyway, on with the chapter!

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**Harry and Draco's rooms, Hogwarts. 03.21am**

Draco could feel the teasr welilng up as he folded the piece of paper and left it beside Harrys bed, he would find it in the morning. It was breaking the blonds heart to leave like this, but he knew that he was only preventing Harry from doing what needed to be done. He took one last look at the man who had loved him unconditionally for the last three years, turned and left. He walked down the corridor and out of the castle.

Harry heard the door close and rolled over,

"Draco?" He moaned groggily. He reached over for his glasses, and felt a piece of paper under his fingers. He grabbed his glasses, shoved them onto the end of his nose and picked up the note. His pulse quickened with each line. The note wasn't a note, or even a letter, it was a poem.

_Only one Person._

_Im only one person,_

_I am unable to comprehend all you do and say,_

_I tried to understand,_

_But you shoved me away._

_Im drifting away from all that I am,_

_Im trying to hold on,_

_But I dont believe that I can._

_I wandered the distance between time and space_

_Looking for common ground,_

_But never finding you or seeing your face._

_I am only one person driven_

_By both hope and fear,_

_Gradually losing everything and everyone that I hold so dear._

_I am only one person_

_Drifting away, with everything I ever loved gone,_

_There seems not reason to stay._

_I am now only one spirit,_

_Walking the place where my life and love used to be,_

_Only one spirit,_

_Dying, so my love can finally be free._

_I love you. Draco._

Harry jumped out of be. He knew what Draco was going to do. He grabbed his wand and rushed down the stairs out of their room and out the front door ino the grounds. He rushed to the lake. There was Draco standing up to his neck in the ice cold waters of the lake.

"Draco!!" Hary screamed at the top of his voice. His cry did not go unheard. Draco turned and lokid into Harrys eyes,. Harry ran forward and plunged into the water. He swam to his lovers side and wrapped his arms around the slim waist of the man he loved. Draco stood there hesitantly, then returned the hug.

"I didnt mean to wake you." He said quietly.

"Its a good thing you did," replied Harry, tears pouring down his face, "Or you would have been dead when I woke up."

"Im not helping you, Im just holding you back from doing what you need to do," Draco's stony face was gone, tears were pouring down his face as well.

"Not helping? Draco the only reason I havent completely lost my marbles is because I have you to come home to. I can always talk to you and know that you will understand. Draco you are helping more than anyone else. I love you. Please come back to the castle. Don't be stupid. I could never live without you."

Draco was too choked up to speak, so he merely nodded. Harry took hold of his lovers hand and entwined thir fingers together. Draco let him. Together the two lovers walked back up to the castle, holding hands and promising never to let go.

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**A/N**: Aww! .:sniffs:. So touching. Anway this was a bit longer than I had planned, but I suppose it is due owing to my lack of updates. So what did you think? Flames are welsome, everything helps! Go on, click the little purple button! 


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